Emotional Infidelity: Aware of the First Signs of the Emotional Affair

I'm completing research on emotional infidelity.
I've asked my readers: When did you first notice the signs of emotional infidelity.
Here are some of their responses:
didn't some one sents us black mail sms details of the contact.....
I noticed that he wasn't interested in me or my world but thought that was because of his intense work pressure. He didn't really listen to me and was not interested in going out, having sex. The only thing we did together was talking about his work. I didn't suspect anything until one day he appeared very confused when I opened the door of his car while he was talking on his mobile phone in the car. That night I checked his phone and found a number of highly suspicious sms's. He claimed that it was just 'Platonic' and it took another agonizing year for the truth to come out: that he had an affair with her which had been going on for over two years.
When ordering something on e-bay, her address was the ship-to address listed.
He began to spend more time away from home saying that he was remodeling my own mother's property and then withdrew and did not talk to me for weeks.
he first thing I noticed was his being very clean, showering every morning and evening daily. He was concerned how he looked and his body fat. Mostly her name came up in his conversations. He never really talked about anyone he barely knew before. He started saying "my other wife" in conversations even when other people was around. He did not want to sleep with me. He would not accept my pleas to be near or have sex. We became distant for I was thinking seriously about him and this woman he would mention.
I found out because he forgot to sign off the computer and there was a picture of another woman (more than one)
He is cold towards me and he stay out most of the times. He is always in a bad mood.
When he did not go where he said he was going. He would leave early and come home late from work. Always showered more. Stopped talking to me and showing signs of affection. Stopped making love.
he started coming in late after work but saying he was working over, stared withdrawing more and more, he started blaming me more and more for marital problems, he started wearing cologne to work.
i first noticed it when every monday and thursday night he would always go out for several months,saying his friends invited him to play card games and he would not come home until the next day, i confronted him about it because he didn't do that before buthe would just bark at me and i caved in because i was afraid he will vent his anger on my children.
We always call each other during the day to just say hi....I noticed when I called he said he was in a meeting and would call me back but many times he did not call back which was totally out off base for us. As well...he stopped calling me to "just say hi". he started dressing better, shaving every day, just plain grooming more than usual. He told me about her and the original business meeting, but then he just kept talking about her all the time. He seemed to know things that I thought were a little personal for someone who was just a "business associate". She then got fired from her job and called to tell him, which I thought was strange as her being fired really had no affect on his business dealings with the company she had worked at. Then he mentioned to me one evening she called and asked him to hire her for our company and that he had a meeting with her after dinner that evening. He came home after meeting and told me she was very upset, crying about her job loss, yadda, yadda.... I thought it was very strange and very unprofessional. I just started paying closer attention.
i noticed he is so particular with his appearnce from clothing, perfumes,building muscles, gets home late everyday...
Less interest in sex, subtle withdrawl
I noticed the signs about 4 to 5 months later. He never really had an interest in watching basketball games. Then all of sudden he wanted to hang out with his friends to watch basketball games during the week and/or weekends. Next he started to go to work on the weekends for this or that. He became very illusive. At one point in time, you could reach him on his cell phone when you called. Then all of sudden he could not be reached. And his excuse was the battery was low, phone was inoperable (sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't), and just text me because I will not be able to hear the phone ring while in the sports bar. It just seemed like he had too many excuses for things. He became very distance and he would always be on the computer and cell phone at odd hours. He could not make eye contact with me anymore. I started to feel like a stranger in my own house.
The signs were very high cell phone bills, expensive gifts from her to him, his exhuberance when talking about her, her family (husband and kids), and my slowly being excluded from events involving her.
condoms in purse, we don't have to use them
The signs were the distance I felt between us. He was quiet. He wasn't talking to me. I tried several times asking him if he noticed it and was was wrong. He always said he had no idea what I was talking about. Then I found an email to her.
She stop talking to me and fighting about money.She would come home late,stop having sex with me.
He was becoming distant, but I thought it was work-related, he didn't want to talk about it so I didn't push. I never thought he would have an affair. He did spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer. In retrospect, he was taking many more overnight work trips and having more 'client dinners'
For other articles and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
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