How To Fix A Troubled Marriage!

How To Fix A Troubled Marriage! By Cucan Pemo
Sometimes you can fix a troubled marriage and sometimes you are past no return. Before you allow your marriage to get past the point of new return, you need to reevaluate your marriage as well as your feelings. How troubled is your marriage? Do you feel like your marriage is just rocky or is it falling into the gutter? Even if your marriage is still just rocky, you need to take the time to help your troubled marriage. Those who are in a rocky marriage you will want to put a just a little bit more into the marriage.
First, you need to do things around the house that you would normally need to be asked to do. Make the bed, do the laundry, help out a little bit. In a rocky marriage, only stress is your issue. You need to make sure that you help your mate during the rough times and be more emotionally and physically supportive. You need to make her feel like she is needed, but not a slave. You also need to do things that make her feel attractive as well. You need to put forth some effort to make her feel wanted and beautiful. If you put more energy into your marriage, it won’t be rocky for long. If you fear that you have put off the marriage for awhile then you are probably in a failing marriage.
The reason why you are in a failing marriage is when things got rough you ignored the signs. You can’t ignore the signs of trouble in a marriage or you could end up in a very troubled spot. It can be difficult to fix a failing marriage. There will be resistance. You not only need to put more energy forth into the marriage, but you may need to take a step back from the relationship for you both to breath. When it comes to saving a marriage, you need to put some space between the two partners.
This doesn’t mean you have to move out, however, you need to back off with the romance and try to open up with each other. Talking can help resolve a lot of issues in a marriage; however, you have to talk openly to them. You have to learn how to listen and to send positive and clear messages.
Even though it can be hard to back off with wanting to be intimate, you will find that it will pay off in the end. You will be able to get to the wild bedroom behavior once you have been able to reconnect to your wife. Once you have reconnected to her, she’ll be more likely to want to be with you and more open to your intimate ideas and feelings. When you have a basis of trust and deep admiration you will find that the intimacy will be better than ever.
The key to saving a marriage is to get to the point where you both were happy. You need to make sure that you talk about the things that you are concerned with and the things that they are concerned with. You will want to make sure that you are open to your partner so that you can get to the core of your troubles. Once you have opened up to the communication channels, you can then open up about things like your sex. It’s all one-step at a time. Once you have a basis of understanding then you are able to build on that.
Once you have talked things through and have allowed a basis for a marriage, you can then start adding of your other concerns. Things like talking to your partner about the lack of excitement, the lack of pleasure, or even the lack of feeling wanted yourself. There are many men who think that their mate does not feel attracted to them, but there are a lot of women with the same insecurities.
As you grow and further your commitment to each other, you also need to keep the communication open so that you two can grow together. Once you have fixed your marriage, you constantly have to keep up with the marriage. You need to always be putting in effort to the relationship. You need to always be trying to keep interest in each other and keep the excitement in the relationship. When serious problems arise, you have to think about all the things that your mate must be feeling and allow her to have her feelings, but take a genuine step towards making that concern
strength to your marriage. Remember, men and women see and think in a different light and if you are able to see the problem in both of our eyes, then your marriage will be saved.
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7 Ways to Stop Your Marriage Breakups

7 Ways to Stop Your Marriage Breakups By Cucan Pemo
It’s hard for newly weds or even those who have been married for a long time to recover from a serious mishap. There are sometimes when people will fault and then there are times when people split up because of no faults of their own. In cases where there is someone to blame, the relationship has a better chance of recovering. However, if you know how to stop your marriage from breaking up, then you will be able to recover from anything.
The first thing that you have to do to stop your marriage from breaking up is by saying I’m sorry. There are a lot of relationships that end because neither one could say I’m sorry. If you learn to accept responsibility for the things that you do and show your mate that you are serious about the relationship then you will be able to save your marriage. Those two words can meet a lot when it comes to the end of your relationship. Also, you need to know how to change your actions. When you apologize for something that you have done wrong, you have to change your actions. You can’t say that you are sorry and then do something again. By apologizing, you are able to right a wrong, however, your words will mean nothing if you don’t show the person some action.
Then you may also need to take some time away from each other. Every relationship needs to have a grace period. This is when you need to pull away from each other and then try to patch up the holes in the relationship. The way that you can do that is by moving apart a step or two and then going back to when you were wooing her. Take her back to where you meet or where you had your first date. Spend some time focusing on the relationship. Bring back what was lost. When you step back from the situation you are able to see where the relationship fell apart and why. Then you should be able to right some of the wrongs. When she brings up seeing a professional, you should always do it with an open mind. When you stay open to new suggestions you will be more honest with yourself and about the relationship. Professionals are not always a bad thing for your marriage, but they can help both of you focus on where the marriage fell apart and then fix everything. Sometimes it can also make you realize things about yourself that you never even thought about.
You will also want to stop doing things on purpose to start a fight or provoke her. You don’t want to chew on your nails cause it bothers her. You don’t want to leave the seat up just to see what she’ll say. It’s time that you start acting your age and by doing things to deliberate separate your wife from you won’t save your marriage, but condemn it even more.
You will also want to take her in mind more than yourself. When it comes to fixing a marriage, you have to do things just because. You have to buy her flowers because you wanted to. You have to fix things around the house just to make her happy. You have to think about all those thoughtful things that you use to do to make her fall in love with you. When you can begin to think like the person that you once where you will be able to find the love again.
Another thing is that when you are in a long relationship you take a lot of things for granted. You need to give more compliments. You need to be more sensitive to their needs as well as your own. You need to have a solid communication line so that you two can talk all your issues out like adults. Talking will make you both feel better and allow those little things to not grow into something big. You can contain the problem before it gives any bigger. Also, it is normal for a person to change, however, if you keep showing the love for someone, you can grow together.
The final tip that you will want to try is to recover the romance. You need to do things for her that she’d never expect. You have to show how much you love her by doing things that she’s always wanted you to do, but you were never quite open to it. You need to be open to the new and exciting things that she wants to incorporate
in the relationship. You never know, you may find some new interests, as well as, save your marriage.
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What To Do With A Sexless Marriage

What To Do With A Sexless Marriage By Cucan Pemo
What can you do to deal with a sexless marriage? First, is your marriage sexless because of the lack of passion or because of a terrible condition; either way you can still salvage your marriage and still happy. First of all, sex is not everything in a marriage. In fact, most religions believe that you should only engage in sex to conceive. Any other time, it’s considered a sin. Now today, we have wrapped sex with a string of love. Many people think that if you don’t have sex then there is no love. However, sex has nothing to do with love, passion, but not love. Sex is something that we engage in when we find ourselves attracted to another.
Remember how it felt when you were first married? You had such an explosion of passion that you just couldn’t help it, but want your mate. However, people change, things change, and so does a marriage. Just because you are in a slum, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. Right now, she may feel overwhelmed with the kids, work, and so on. It may have something to do with you too.
When it comes to you as the reason for the sexless marriage it might just be because you have not given her a reason to feel passion for you. You might not look at her like you use to. When it comes woman feeling attractive it’s all about how you make them feel. You need to look at her every now and then and actually see her. Surely it might just be your own depression or career that has blocked you have paying such attention.
However, if you bring home flowers or dinner and give her a hug and a kiss, you may just startle the passion that she has for you. She’ll feel appreciated and loved. Love is another thing. Do you talk to your wife about love? Do you tell her that you still love her? Be romantic! Tell her that you love her, let her know that you still feel the same. Go out of your way for her and she’ll go out of her way for you. Soon you’ll notice that the sex is back and you’ll both feel better about the marriage and the future of the relationship.
Then again, have you lost your passion for her? It’s hard to hold passion for someone over years of time. If you are just not attracted to her, you at least have to try to deal with the problem. Try the romance and ask her about how she feels. Ask her to do some of the things that you need her to do to make you feel the passion again. If you begin to see a third party about your marriage then you will be able to get to the deep feelings that you both hide.
You will be able to overcome both of your insecurities and build a stronger marriage. Just because you have a lack of sex or a dry spell doesn’t mean that you should give up on your marriage. If you can talk to your wife about these things and about your intimate relationship, then you should be able to over come the spell, however, sometimes it is not a choice that the couple makes, but the doctor.
There are a lot of couples who cannot have sex because it is too painful or it is a medical condition like cancer. Your wife won’t feel beautiful when she’s sick and sometimes they can’t bare the thought. When it comes to dealing with a marriage that is sexless by choice, you should try to think about why you married your wife. You didn’t marry her because of the sex; you most likely, married her because you had such a connection. You felt like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Now that she’s sick, you have to be there by her side through it.
Sex should be the last thing on your mind and if you truly love her then it really won’t matter. In fact, even if you aren’t in this type of situation, you should not care about the sex. All that you can do is go to your wife and talk to her and tell her you love her more than ever. You may not be able to add sex to your marriage, but you will feel so better.
Some couples have a choice between having sex and not having sex, and then some couples don’t. Regardless, you need to show your support to your wife and talk about your feelings about the sexless marriage and about your marriage in general. Open up and you will end up finding that you will feel better about your marriage and yourself. Discover how you can easily bring back the Love of Your Life!- A Potent 4-
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Marriage Advice: How To Love Your Wife Unconditionally

Marriage Advice: How To Love Your Wife Unconditionally By Cucan Pemo
It is hard to find love and unconditional love at that. It can sometimes be hard to find someone who you can love unconditional. When you love unconditionally, you love the person no matter what. The first step to being in a healthy marriage is being in a love filled married. For you to love your wife unconditionally you first have to like who you are. For you to give love, you have to be satisfied with yourself. If you are not satisfied with who you are, then you will have insecure that get in the way of your marriage and relationship. Loving unconditionally may be every hard for some because they cannot love themselves. Insecurities can put a lot of wear and tear into the relationship.
The next step to loving unconditionally is finding your beliefs. You have to have a spiritual feelings towards something. Regardless of what religion that you pursue, you should be able to find strength, support, and a higher feeling when you believe in something. When you believe in something bigger than yourself you are able to see all the things that are right in front of you. You will be able to see all of those who care and love you. You will also be able to recognize that love and give it back. You will be able to feel love and to send others love.
For you to be in a relationship that is unconditionally filled with love you have to find someone who you think you could love for the rest of your life. You need to find someone who you have a true connection to. However, loving unconditionally does not mean that you give into everything. Some things that your mate will do will be devastating to your marriage. Rather it be stealing money from you, having an affair, or just doing things that aren’t appropriate for married couples, you may find that you love has it’s limits. When it comes to betrayal or deceit, they are two exceptions. Loving unconditionally means that your wife can crash your pickup and you don’t get upset for the pickup sake. It’s about still caring for her when she burns dinner or gains five pounds, if you can love without concern to change then you can love unconditionally.
There are no steps to love. You can’t learn how to love unconditionally. You just love. A lot of people will step into a marriage blindly, but they were just in love. Sometimes it works out and some times it doesn’t. So how do you know the different between love and lust? Love and lust have a thin line dividing them. Love is when you’d do and say anything to have that person in your life. Lust is when you’d say or do anything to be “close” to them. When you have figured out that you are in love you have to ask yourself a question. Could you allow her to destroy your prized possessions and not think twice about them? Could you move across the country for them? Would you support their every move? If you can then you already love unconditionally.
To love unconditionally you have to be completely open and honest. You have to let the person see who you are and allow them to accept you. You have to be willing to express your ideas and your feelings to this person. You have to be free of all insecurities to be completely in love. To love unconditionally you have to be completely honest with your wife and with yourself. You cannot have any hidden agenda or motives. You need to be in the relationship because you need to be around the person, not because you think it might make you whole or that you might get ahead with your career. Love is not something you learn, it’s just something that you do.
It’s hard to love and trust someone, but without trust you’ll never be able to love. You need to take inconsideration of their thoughts, needs, and feelings so that you can be the ultimate support system (even if you are against the idea). In addition, you need to learn how to love yourself. You will never learn how to love if you can’t look in a mirror in accept yourself. How can your wife accept you, if you cannot? You have to get the thought of making yourself love unconditionally. You either do or do not. To find out if you truly love them unconditionally, you have to think of some of the most horrible situations and then ask yourself would you care about the situation or her.
It means to be fully present, in every single moment. To be fully aware. To be fully open, honest, transparent. It means to be fully willing, to express the love that is in your heart full out. To be fully loving means to be fully naked, without hidden agenda or hidden motive, without hidden anything.
And you say that it is possible for human beings, for regular people like me, to achieve such love? This is something of which we are all capable?
It is more than that of which you are capable. It is that which you are. This is the nature of Who You Are. The most difficult thing that you do is to deny that. And you are doing this difficult thing every day. It is why your life feels so difficult. Yet when you do the easy thing, when you decide to come from, to be, Who You Really Are - which is pure love, unlimited and unconditioned-then your life becomes easy again. All the turmoil disappears, all the struggle goes away.
This peace may be achieved in any given moment. The way to it may be found by asking a simple question:
What would love do now?
This is a marvelous question, because you will always know the answer. It is like magic. It is cleansing, like a soap. It takes the worry out of being close. It washes away all doubt, all fear. It bathes the mind with the wisdom of the soul.
What a good way of putting that.
It is true. When you ask this question, you will know instantly what to do. In any circumstance, under any condition, you will know. You will be given the answer. You are the answer, and asking the question brings forth that part of you.

Do not second-guess this answer when it instantly comes to you. When you second-guess is when you fool yourself - and can make a fool of yourself. Go into the heart of love, and come from that place in all your choices and decisions, and you will find peace.
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7 Incredible Ways To Reconnect With Your Husband/Boyfriend

7 Incredible Ways To Reconnect With Your Husband/Boyfriend By Cucan Pemo
There are times in every relationship when other commitments take priority over your husband or your boyfriend, but these times can hurt a relationship. When you start to notice that you haven’t been as close as you once were, you will want to start taking steps that will reconnect you with your partner and re-establish the strong relationship that you once had.
Realize that the mess can wait
Some women believe that they are being constantly judged by how their house or their living space looks. However, this is far from the case. Instead of making cleaning the majority of your free time, why not allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the day to make room for your relationship? Instead of having the laundry always done and the kitchen always shining, isn’t your relationship worth the time?
Take time for yourself
Many women will feel more connected in their relationships if they take the time to make themselves look good. Something as simple as getting out of sweatpants and tee shirts at the end of the day and into nice jeans and a well-fitting top can help you feel more confident and thus, more attractive to your partner. You don’t have to look like a model, but taking care of your appearance can help you feel like one.
Create a date
At least once a week, you and your partner need to get out of the house and on a date. Too often, long relationships think that they are ‘past’ that, so they settle into a dull life of staying at home. When you were first dating, you went to the movies and out to eat – why not try to do that more now? Sure, you won’t be able to do it every week, but if you try, you will both have something to look forward to.
Stop your thinking
Many times, a woman can become frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially when she’s a mom as well as a career woman. When this happens, you might feel as though you could scream at your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You might find that you’re actually feeling something else that’s not directed at him.
Put the spotlight on him
When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to feel special.
When you can’t get away
It’s time to be creative if you’re unable to get away from the house. Maybe you can create date night at home, or work together on some goals that you’ve wanted to accomplish. Play board games – do whatever you both like to do together. If you have a home remodeling project, don’t leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple time.
Getting out of town
One of the best ways to reconnect as a couple is to head out of the house for a few days. There are numerous bed and breakfasts that you can visit for only a small expense. You don’t even have to leave the room if you don’t want to, but the time away from your normal distractions can help you get back in tune with what your relationship needs.
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7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage

7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage by Cucan Pemo
Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.
There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.
But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.
A positive attitude
Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.
Be present
When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.
Stay calm
While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.
Make plans
One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.
Take time away
While you don’t have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it’s just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.
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How To Fix Your Marriage Without Professional Help

How To Fix Your Marriage Without Professional HelpBy Cucan Pemo
Marriages can have troubled times. Maybe it’s because of infidelity or the quiet drifting apart of a long term marriage – in any case, when your marriage is having tough times, you need help to make things right again. However, not everyone has the resources or the time to seek professional help. The good news is that you can fix your relationship without a therapist, though you might need a therapist in the future.
For now, you have each other
When you’re hitting a rough spot in your marriage, it’s time to talk about why you want to save the marriage first. Sit down with your partner and start to discuss things that are keeping your together and memories that remind you of better times. You might want to sit down with photo albums and journals to talk about the times when you used to laugh, when you used to be happy. Many times, this simple exercise can help to put your current problems into perspective and help to put you on a positive path to a healthy relationship.
Make a promise
Too many times, we are afraid to make promises to our partner because we’re afraid that we won’t be able to follow through, that we won’t be able to be perfect in everything we do. However, the truth is that no one is perfect – we can only try our best. If you’re in a hard spot with your marriage, you will want to make a promise to each other that you will do the best that you can to make things better between the both of you. Promise to do whatever it takes and that you will give all of your free time and attention to fixing whatever has been broken. And then stick to that promise.
Realize that you’re not going to be perfect
Even in therapy, couples aren’t perfect with rebuilding their relationship. Things go wrong, life can throw curve balls, and people can make mistakes – you will not always do everything right. But what matters is that you try to move toward doing what’s best for your relationship. To go into fixing your marriage, thinking that everything is going to be easy and without flaws is just not realistic. Try to do the best that you can, but forgive yourself and forgive your spouse when you’re not able to choose the right thing. It’s how you recover and learn from these mistakes that will make your marriage stronger in the end.
Set aside some time to work on your relationship
You will need to set up some time in which you can work through your problems and your issues. Much like traditional therapy, you might want to schedule in appointments with each other in order to have time to talk. Try to make this time as uninterruptible as possible so that you’re not distracted by anything else – so that you can focus on your marriage. You might want to set up time away from your living space in order to bring a new perspective to your discussions. Maybe heading out for a hike or to a spa for a day will help you both change your feelings about whatever you are talking about – and help you resolve it.
You don’t have to do what everyone else has done
Your relationship needs specific tools to be fixed, but the way that works for you might not be the way that works for everyone else. This is why communicating with each other is so important. When you’re able to talk honestly about your feelings and about your needs, you will be able to create plans that make sense for the way that you want things to work out. Your methods might not be ‘normal,’ but if they’re making your relationship happier and healthier, it only matters what works.
Get the tools
But there’s nothing stopping you from looking at the writings of therapists and other experienced authors. Bookstores have sections devoted to healing marriages and getting past any number of relationship battles. In a pinch, you can also head to the library for a free assortment of self help tools. The point is that you find something that works for you and your relationship, so it might take time to find the right book.
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What to Do with a Man who Has Commitment Phobia and How You Can Spot One!

What to Do with a Man who Has Commitment Phobia and How You Can Spot One!~ Cucan Pemo

There are some men who make women feel very lovable and desirable. They lavish love and gifts on them, and make them feel very special. But when it comes to marriage, they back out. They have a great fear of getting tied to a single woman for life. They run away from the very idea of marriage. Their relationships never have fairytale endings; instead they are littered with heartbreaks.

These men suffer from commitment phobia, a fear of committing themselves to one single woman. However, they don’t hesitate to play the loving game. They go out of their way to make their women feel special. They woo them with all the passion that they can command. But they cool off once the woman talks of marriage.

How to spot a commitment phobe

For any woman it is important to spot commitment phobes – that is men who suffer from commitment phobia -- early in the relationship. This is the only way they can keep their feet firmly on the ground, and not get swept away by the charm offensive launched by such men.

Fortunately, the commitment phobes are very predictable and display several common traits. These are: 1. They have been involved in several relationships in the past, but all of them have been brief. The reason, they will charmingly tell you, is that they are yet to come across a woman of their dreams, someone with whom they can have a lifelong relationship. You are that woman, they will tell you. It is for you to spot the lie or swallow it hook, line and sinker.

2. They would show much more interest in you that you do in them They will follow you, beseech you, please you, woo you – try every trick in the trade to win you over.
They will even drop hints of long and stable relationships; they will talk of “we” and “us” not “I” and “me”.

3. They will make you feel very special. They will shower you with love and affection. They will make you feel their world will come to an end if you spurn them or misunderstand them. You will find it impossible to resist them, unless you realize what is happening.

However, this ardent wooing will be limited to the first phase of the relationship. The relationship will take a different turn the moment you surrender It is not that such men treat women as trophies to be won, and then displayed in their personal museums; but they are driven by contradictory feelings. They neither want to give up a woman nor want to commit themselves to her. It is a psychological disorder. But it can have serious effects both on the relationship, and on you.

You will not realize what has happened to your relationship. The same man, who could not live without you for a moment, will start looking for excuses to stay away from you. You will no longer be the shining light of their lives. The talk of matrimony will freeze them. Your tears may make them unhappy but it will not move them. It wouldn’t be long before you are left only with memories and tears; the commitment phobe would have moved forward to another woman.

Why do they behave like this

You need not search for reasons for the souring of the relationship. You should also not blame yourself for what has happened. You must realize that commitment phobia is an emotional disorder, and you have become a victim of a person suffering from such a disorder.

According to psychologists, the commitment phobes behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. This may happen because:

As a sensitive child, a commitment phobe’s world was torn by a bitter divorce between his parents. He grew up with a feeling that there can be no permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Such a relationship can only bring pain in the long run.
Some commitment phobes cannot reconcile to the death of their father or mother or forget the sadness and grief that overcame their parents when one of them died. They therefore grow up with the feeling of not to enter into permanent relationships – relationships that can bring pain on account of the death of a loved one.
Some commitment phobes may have been betrayed by those whom they loved. This would have created a mindset of never to give in to a woman again.
How to deal with a commitment phobe

You must realize that you have very few chances of winning a commitment phobe. You must therefore play hard to get. You must refuse to get into bed with him for very often this signals the end of a relationship. Let him feel desperate; let him step up his wooing. But don’t give in.

It is important that you continue to live your own life. You should not allow a commitment phobe to set the pace of your life. You should continue dating other men and act as an independent woman who can live her life on her own. Never make the mistake of playing second fiddle to such men or switching to what-a-wife-would-do mode.

You should not drum excuses for his behavior, or try to convince yourself that he is right and you are wrong. In your mind, you should not become his advocate. You must look at his actions, not his words. Words are easy; they can be lavished with freedom. But it is hard to match them with action.

If possible, you should convince him to see a psychologist. There is always a chance that a psychologist may be able to remove the fears that a commitment phobe has about marital relationships. But this cannot happen in an instant. You have to be patient, aand you have to see how the commitment phobe takes your suggestion or the counseling.

Finally, don’t grieve if your relationship breaks down. Take it in your stride. Treat it as a fun fling that was bound to end this way. In this way, you are always in control of yourself and your life; and you learn the importance of "responsibility" towards all decisions you are going to make in life and relationships!

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10 Reasons Why You Should Stay Married!

10 Reasons Why You Should Stay Married! by Cucan Pemo
While no one wants their marriage to fail, did you know that there are actually quantifiable reasons for staying with your spouse? In case you need help deciding whether to stay married or not, here are the facts:
#1 Married people are happier
In recent studies, scientists founds that married couples suffer from less depression than their unmarried counterparts. And this even takes into consideration those couples that are living together and not married. Being in a committed relationship with each other is not enough, but showing that commitment to friends, family, and the wedding DJ seems to make the bond all the more important.
#2 Married couples are more productive
While the case could be made that two people can always get more done than one, married couples seem to enjoy exploring their interests more than singles and unmarried couples. Maybe it’s because you’ve set up long term goals and thinking that guides you through the day to day, or maybe it could be because you’re both challenging each other to be better – in either case, married couples just seem to get more done.
#3 Married couples learn better
Studies have shown that married couples tend to retain new knowledge longer than single or married couples. It would seem that the calmer state of the brain is more conducive to learning. And since you have someone to remind you of what you’ve forgotten, it’s a lot easier to keep those important facts in your head.
#4 Married couples are less stressed
When you have someone that is constantly supporting you and cares about how you’re doing, this support system helps to buoy you in times of stress. Being able to laugh with each other and help each other helps the stressful times seem all the less, well, stressful.
#5 Married couples are healthier overall
Because of the reduced stress and increased support system, married couples tend to have fewer health problems than their married counterparts. They have fewer colds and other minor illnesses. Without the constant strain of a commitment that’s sort of hazy, married couples can fight off germs and bacteria.
#6 Married couples live longer
With the increased health and ability to ward off stress, married couples tend to live longer than their unmarried counterparts. Married couples are more long term thinking and this allows them to have a more positive outlook on life and whatever is thrown at them. Even couples with long term illnesses or other stressors seem to be able to live longer than is normal.
#7 Married couples are richer
Of course, having two people in any relationship will make a couple richer, but married couples are more diligent about planning for long term goals which can lead to more stable financial results. They invest together, plan together, work together to create a retirement that will allow them to enjoy each other’s company long into the twilight of their lives.
#8 Married couples fight smarter
No couple is without fights or disagreements, but married couples have a more relaxed approach about getting past arguments and getting over them. The long term commitment allows them to realize that not everything is as important ‘right now’ as it seems, and that most problems can blow over without too much incident.
#9 Married couples have better sex
While stereotypes might have you believe otherwise, married couples truly do have a more varied an enjoyable sex life. They tend to experiment to keep things exciting and they are focused more on the pleasure of their partner than of themselves.
#10 Married couples are more fit
Married couples have a built in workout partner and someone who will help them watch what they eat. This support system leads to an overall better outlook on fitness and health, which leads to a fitter lifestyle. Though slips in eating and exercise can affect both partners, it’s much more likely that married couples will get back up from their discretions and find the support to regain control of their health.
Being married isn’t just the dream of the white wedding; it’s what happens after the guests leave and the wrapping paper has been thrown away.
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What Does Your Woman REALLY Want:Let's Demystify Women Today!

What Does Your Woman REALLY Want:Let's Demystify Women Today!By Cucan Pemo

The behavior of women is as much of a mystery to men as that of men is to women. However, one thing is certain. The women love to be wooed. They want to be pursued. They want to be courted. They want men to try and win their affection. It’s a great psychological game that both men and women play. The winners enjoy it; the losers end up wondering what went wrong.

To end up as winner men need to understand what women want. Here is a list of seven qualities that every woman expects to see in their men:

1. Well groomed
Do women pay attention to the way a man is dressed?
Do women want men to open doors for them?

Just as men like their women to be pretty, women like their men to be well groomed. They expect their men to be courteous, well behaved and well mannered. Among other things, they expect them to know the social graces. They also expect them to be well dressed, and in tune with the fashion of the day. Men who are loud or bawdy are unlikely to win the attention of sensitive women. The same applies to those men who don’t pay sufficient attention to the way they look.

2. Good listener
Should men do what women want?
Listen carefully to what a woman says

All women want their men to pay attention to what they are saying. Men may not agree with their thinking but they should not make the mistake of looking bored or causal. They must pay attention, even if they don’t intend to do what their women want. The very fact that their point of view was considered before a decision was taken is enough to make the women happy. It is the basis of a strong relationship.

3. Good in bed
What do women want in bed?
Do women like to be forced?
How can women be made happy?

Every woman wants her man to be good in bed. They want to be aroused, and to be sexually fulfilled. The relationship has to be equal in the bed. The man must make an honest effort to fulfill the sexual needs of his women He should, however, not take advantage of a relationship. But he should respect those days when the woman wants to stay off. Women don’t like to be pushed into sex unless they are in a mood to do so. They would much rather prefer being cajoled and cuddled instead of being rushed into sex.

4. Honest and sincere
Do women want to know everything about their men?
Should men tell everything to women?

Two qualities that women value in their men are honesty and sincerity. They don’t want their men to cheat on them or to hold back anything from them. They would like to be equal partners in both the joys and sorrows of their men. Very often men try to hold back their problems related to work or their finances. This is not a good policy. Women feel more wanted and involved when their men take them into confidence. Men should also not try to delude women into false notions. They must gently inform them of their problems without being blunt or cruel. No woman wants to be told that she is ugly, fat or dumb. But, at the same time, they would not like their men to lie to them about their looks.

5. Stable career
How important is financial stability?
Are women after successful men?

Women want stability in their lives. They don’t want to be in a situation where they are forced to scrounge for favors. They would like their men to take care of all basic necessities of life. They would therefore prefer men who are successful and well organized. However, this does not mean that they want to hook the rich and the well placed. This is a wrong notion. Money and success alone is not enough to satisfy a woman.

6. Love for surprises
Should men give lavish gifts to win the love of women?
Gifts that women cherish the most

No woman wants to be tied to home and children. She would like some excitement in her life. This is where men need to be imaginative and thoughtful. The surprises need not be big; they can be as simple as enjoying an evening at the theatre, followed by a dinner at her favorite restaurant or it can be driving down to a resort at the weekend. The joy is multiplied if these bonuses come unannounced.

7. Intelligent and witty
Are witty men more charming?
How does intelligence matter in a relationship?

Women like their men to charm them. They would like them to be intelligent and witty, who can liven up the evenings and make a room come alive. Men who are dull and boring or too obsessed with their own musings are unlikely to enchant women. Women like men who are willing to chat with them on their wavelength.

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What Does Your Man REALLY Want: Let's Demystify Men Today!

What Does Your Man REALLY Want: Let's Demystify Men Today!
By Cucan Pemo

If there is one question for which every woman wants an answer is what men want. This question crops up in the mind of every woman be it be a teenager going on her first date; a newly wedded wife getting ready for her husband to return from work; a single woman waiting to find the right man; a divorcee trying to rebuild her life.

This question has been asked by women in the past, and will be asked by women in the future too. It is a question that has no easy answers; with each relationship being completely different from another. The best one can do is to explore seven subjects that form the cornerstone of any relationship between men and women. These subjects hold the key for any woman to understand what men want.

1. Sex
What do men want in sex?
How frequent should be lovemaking?
Should it be passionate?
Should women have sex before marriage?

There is little doubt that most men are obsessed with sex. It is a biological need, and men should not be blamed for wanting sex. However, sex alone cannot build a long lasting relationship. It can bring a couple together but it cannot hold them together beyond a certain point.

What a woman must understand is that a man finds happiness and fulfillment in sex. A woman who is willing to reach out and unite in the act of lovemaking is most likely to win a man than a woman who uses sex as a manipulative tool.

Also, men are not ogres. They don’t go to women looking for sex alone. Most of them don’t want their partners to degrade themselves when making love to them. They would rather like all acts of lovemaking to be complete and fulfilling to both.

Men, in fact, agonize more than women if they are unable to excite their partners. This is because men can be easily aroused whereas it takes longer, and more foreplay in the case of women to get aroused.

There is little doubt that a man would like to take a woman to bed as quickly as possible. But few men want to make love if they find their partners are unwilling. Most of them don’t want to hurt or injure the feelings of a woman with whom they have developed a bonding or are in the process of doing so. Also, no man would insist on sex as a prerequisite to marriage.

Yes, every man has his fantasies about sex, and would like frequent and passionate sex with the woman he loves. One-night stands, as the name suggests, are only flings, not relationships.

2. Companionship
What kind of a companion does a man want?
How should women meet those needs?

Men want women with whom they can share their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs, their weaknesses and strengths… They want women who can empathize with their failures and revel in their triumphs.

Women who constantly find faults with their men are unlikely to win their love and respect. Every woman must remember that men are vain by nature. They need pampering, and even mothering. At the same time they need emotional fulfillment.

This does not mean that women have to become sports enthusiasts or political analysts to please their men. They only need to provide space to their men to follow their passions.

3. Homemakers
Should women be great cooks to win acceptance?
Should women alone be expected to keep house?
Is it a woman’s job to rear kids?

Today’s men respect the ambitions of women. They don’t want to relegate their wives to the role of a domestic help. They would like their women to do well in life. However, they would not like this to happen at the cost of their own careers.

Most women must realize that every man wants to be the main breadwinner. His male ego gets hurt if he has to depend on his wife to run the home. He would certainly expect his wife to cook for him on at least three to four days a week. He would also expect women to keep the home clean and well kept. The best that a man is willing to do is to extend a helping hand. But the woman has to be the main homemaker.

4. Emotional support
Should women give advice?
Are men open to points of view given by women?

Once again the male ego is too vain. It is not willing to listen easily to the advice given by better halves. Almost every man goes on the defensive when the woman he loves wants to correct him. He may accept the same advice from another male; but would be very reluctant to do so from a woman.

Women should therefore be careful. They should make men feel they can climb Mount Everest, if need be. They must encourage them by constantly telling them how much confidence they have in them. This will bring the best out of every man.

5. Looks matter
Should women doll up for men?
Is a woman’s figure important?
How important is it to dress up especially for men?

Men love beautiful women. They don’t want their woman to look dowdy. This is not only true at the time of dating but even after marriage. Women who allow their figures to slip are likely to loose the interest of their men. This may sound sexist but this is how life is. An attractive woman, who knows how to carry herself, will always turn male heads.

6. Private space
Why do men need time for themselves?
Are they hiding something?
Shouldn’t they share all their thoughts with me?

The best relationships are those where women are willing to wait; where they give time to their men to unwind themselves. They should not rush into their arms the moment they come home, and expect them to unburden themselves. Instead, they should wait for the right time when the man is more ready to share his inner thoughts. Even here, it is important to be patient, and encouraging. Don’t find faults with your man’s thinking; the chances are that he may shut himself off. Each man needs space to sort his thoughts. A woman can help him by being encouraging and understanding.

7. Respect
Do men need more respect than women?
How should a woman behave?

Finally, both men and women need respect if the relationship is to survive. This can only happen if a woman is willing to listen to her man. Also, a woman should respect a man’s interests even though they may be widely different from her. She should allow him necessary space to follow his interests which may be sports, politics or cards.

Women should learn to read between the lines if they want to earn the respect of their men.

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How to draw genuine love to you using the Law of Attraction

How to draw genuine love to you using the Law of Attraction
By Cucan Pemo

The Law of Attraction is one of the most powerful laws in the universe. According to it like attracts like. That is why creatures of the same kind attract each other. Wherever there is one ant, you will find many more; wherever there is one farmer you will find several farmers; wherever there is a lone sheep or cow you will find a herd. We all know that wolves hunt in groups; and fish swim in packs. But have we tried to find out why?

We never analyze how we make friends or companions. But if we do we will find that our friends are like us in most ways. They share the same values, the same lifestyles, the same ideas, and the same goals. This is what the Law of Attraction does; it brings all those things together that are alike.

True love

Most successful marriages are those where the man and woman are alike. The marriages where men and women have different tastes, different likes and different interests don’t last long. They fall apart. The apparent reasons for these marriages falling apart may be stress, workplace pressure or extra-marital affairs, but the base reason is always the same. The union in the first place was of two people who were not alike. They came together against the Law of Attraction. That is why they could not stay together even though they were bound by vows of holy matrimony.

In contrast, two individuals who are alike continue to live together as man and woman under the same roof even if they are not married. The society may frown on such relationships but it cannot force such couples to part ways. They have been brought together by the Law of Attraction. Theirs is not a relationship of convenience; theirs is a relationship based on shared values, shared likes and shared goals. This is what true love is. It is the joining of two hearts, two minds and two bodies that are alike.

How to draw true love

True love takes shape without our knowledge. In fact, have we ever stopped and wondered why we are attracted to a particular girl or a particular boy? There may be ten girls in a class of 25. How is it that we are attracted to one girl alone? How is it that we continue to come closer to that girl only, and not to other girls who may be equally pretty?
The first reaction of any such couple is that they are alike. Great. But how did they find each other? They were lucky; of course. They happened to be in the same class, is what they will tell you. But what about millions of other couples? Some met on a road, some in a train, some at a local dance, some in the church. But all bonded together. How?

This is where true love comes in. You don’t have to find true love; it finds you. You only have to recognize it. On first reading, it may sound bizarre. But the reality is that our thoughts are not limited to our mind. They are like waves of energy that keep radiating from our minds. When this energy collides with similar energy radiating from another mind, true love springs up. This is what we call a meeting of minds.

Love and lust
It is also love at first sight. However, for this love to blossom and bloom it has to go past physical lust. Often, the physical desire blocks the thoughts that our minds are radiating. We are so obsessed with each other that our minds refuse to tune in to each other’s thoughts. Such relationships, even when they get converted into marriage, are unlikely to last long.

That is why dating is so useful. It gives couples sufficient time to listen to each other’s unspoken thoughts. Their minds either continue to come closer or move apart. That is why we say that at times young couples have a mind of their own. They may be heartbroken if such relationships break. But their grief would only be temporary. The heartbreak would be much worse if the couples don’t listen to their inner mind, and hope that they can change their partners once they get married. It will never happen..

Healthy relationships

The Law of Attraction is not limited to the world of love alone. It operates in the professional and the social world too. It is this law that brings two individuals together to forge a successful business partnership. It is also this law that brings two thieves or two crooks together – because their minds radiate the same thoughts.

Everything would be so simple if this law worked properly. Individuals who shared the same likes would live together; individuals who shared different viewpoints would live in their own world. But this does not happen. How often do we read in newspapers of a good man destroyed by a trusted colleague? How often we share tales of a rich man lured by a shark?

This happens when we switch off our mental antennas or when we close our minds to negative thoughts. We get blinded by our desires. There is no meeting of minds but a meeting of interests. When this happens we are bound to lose. This is where good men go astray.

That is why it is important to build social or professional relationships with an open mind. If you get a feeling that everything is not right about a person you have met, you must respect that feeling. Don’t allow monetary interests to overpower your feelings. Avoid that individual before it is too late.

This will allow you to build relationships that are in your interest, relationships that you will cherish – not regret.

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Growing up: Wounds and Traumas that happened to you that will draw unhealthy relationships to yourself

Growing up: Wounds and Traumas that happened to you that will draw unhealthy relationships to yourself
~ Cucan Pemo

Relationships are like physical magnets. That is why you find that most people who enter into a relationship are alike. This also applies to children who have been abused during their childhood. They somehow attract other adults who have had similar experience.

However, very few of these relationships tend to be stable. People who have had a traumatic childhood need more mature partners. They don’t need partners who are emotionally and mentally scarred. Unfortunately, as the Law of Attraction states, they continue to attract partners who are like them.

Kinds of child abuse
However, before examining relationships between adults who have had a traumatic childhood it is important to understand the different kinds of child abuse. Psychologists recognize four clear acts of abuse. These are:

Physical abuse: This happens when children are repeatedly beaten by hands, fists, sticks etc for small misdemeanors. Physical abuse may leave permanent scars, both physical and emotional.
Sexual acts: This happens when children are forced to touch private parts or are made to commit unnatural acts. Most children end up getting confused, and feeling dirty and unhealthy.
Emotional abuse: In this case the child is deprived love, affection or acceptance within the family. Instead the child may is constantly shouted at, criticized, ridiculed and verbally abused.
Neglect: This happens when a child is deprived of proper food, warmth, shelter, clothing etc. The child then hungers for material and emotional comforts and may grow up to have an unhealthy affinity for physical needs.

The unfortunate thing is that most acts of child abuse are either committed by parents, elder brothers, sisters, stepfathers, stepmothers, babysitters or by people who form the immediate family. In very rare cases a child will suffer at the hands of an outsider.

The result is that the child does not grow up into a healthy individual. Deep within this individual is a child who feels threatened and abused all the time. The individual is like a split personality, normal on the surface but irrational inside.

The behavior of these individuals also tends to be unpredictable. They will behave normally most of the time. But there will be times when they may turn violent, abusive, and aggressive. They are unable to relate with any individual for long periods of time. Even when they enter into a relationship they enter hesitantly. They are always worried of getting into one more unhappy relationship.

If possible, they would like to find someone who can give them solace; erase their painful memories, and make them live normally. But where can they find such partners? Their subconscious mind keeps telling them to be on guard; and not to enter into another bruising relationship. That is why most of their relationships are brief and unnatural.

Children of divorced families
We should also not forget children whose parents break up during their growing years. These children may not suffer from any direct abuse but emotionally they are shattered. The effect is especially noticeable among those children who have seen their parents inflict physical and emotional wounds upon each other. Such children tend to slip into depression, become unnaturally quiet and withdrawn or turn into bullies.

They too, when they become adults, get attracted to men and women who come from divorced families. Many of them would not like their partners to go through the same private hell as their parents did. But the insecurity of the past does not leave them untouched. Many of them end up going through similar motions, sooner than later.

Can counseling help
The experience is especially nightmarish for those individuals who happen to have suffered similar abuse during childhood. They may be initially attracted to each other when they first share their experiences. They may get a feeling that they have finally found someone who can relate to them. But this euphoria is short-lived. It is not long before they start getting into each other’s way, and start blaming each other for their troubles. The anger and hurt may even be passed onto unsuspecting children. It is like a vicious cycle, a story of pain without end.

What is needed is mature counseling, and the willingness to change. The counseling is especially helpful in those cases where both the partners seek it together. They then find one more reason to hold onto each other. Otherwise, victims of child abuse, who did not get proper counseling when they were children, continue to live like the proverbial bull in the china shop hurting themselves and everyone around them.

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Experiential exercises you can do everyday and which will teach you how to love intimately

Experiential exercises you can do everyday and which will teach you how to love intimately
~ Cucan Pemo

Few people realize the power of experiential exercises. Fewer still know how to make full use of them. But those who do are able to unlock the reservoirs of positive energy present in their body. They feel healthier in body, in mind, and in soul. They are able to drive negative thoughts and negativity from their minds and their surroundings.

Most important, they radiate positive energy when they reach out to others, energy that helps them build stronger and more intimate relationships. There is a spring and bounce in their steps; they do not get depressed easily; and they learn to enjoy life much more than others.

Experiential workshops
There are several groups that hold week or month-long experiential workshops where they teach breathing and body exercises. Most of these are group exercises, and an individual is required to follow the group leader or the trainer. Some of these workshops are residential, where the participants are provided healthy food to cleanse their systems of toxins. The experience invariably is explosive; participants go in as tired, stressed out individuals but come out full of energy.

The exercises are backed by healing sessions which are aimed to dissolve fears, guilt and shame about sex. Most of the messages are conveyed through movement, music, creative art, breathing exercises hypnotherapy, and meditation. There is a feeling of intimacy and playful sharing. Individuals not only get to know their bodies better but how to use it to derive greater pleasure.

Breathing exercises and meditation
The object of breathing exercises and meditation is to drive out toxins and negative feelings from the body and generate positive energy. Both perform this task in their own way. The breathing exercises drive out carbon dioxide from the body, and replace it with oxygen. The cells, which were battling with carbon dioxide earlier, get a flood of oxygen to breathe. They get energized and the chemical reactions occurring in them get a new life; they generate more energy that make individuals feel all charged up, alert, energetic and raring to go.

Meditation, on the other hand, relaxes the body muscles and removes stress. It also drives away negative thoughts and forces individuals to focus on positive images. An individual feels relaxed and content. He finds it easier to deal with partners, and the day to day stresses and strains of life. He does not get worked up, and enjoys whatever he does.

His love life improves because he can bring much more to the relationship. There is greater intimacy, and there is greater give and take. The individual is not in a hurry; he wants to cherish each moment of his love life.

The soft touches
The teachers of experiential exercises encourage soft touches or activities that touch the senses. That is why the experiential exercises are conducted against a background of soft music, which is all the time washing against the bodies of participants, cleansing them, touching emotional chords, making them feel better.

The participants are also asked to draw. This is a great way for the unconscious mind to express itself. The trainer gets a chance to see the individual’s inner feelings, the thoughts that first come to participant’s mind. It’s another way to purge negative thoughts by making the individual aware of what his subconscious mind is thinking.

Experiential exercises train us in self-acceptance. They make us realize that a healthy body is the gateway to a healthy mind, and a healthy soul. They make us accept ourselves as we are, and turn us into better human beings. This, in itself, is a great achievement. Our lives improve several-fold the day we learn to be at peace with ourselves.

But all this will not happen in an instant. It takes years of training to move from the physical to the spiritual level. Individuals need to be patient. They must understand that they need to cleanse their body and mind of all negativity – which means thoughts and acts pertaining to pain, violence, jealousy, hate, anger, dislike etc – before they can move to a higher level.

This should not, however, dampen their enthusiasm. Instead they should celebrate the coming together of body, heart and soul. They will find that they are better able to internalize the pleasures of love. They can reach out to their partners more fully, and bring more fulfillment to their sexual lives.

The union of bodies will not generate any feelings of shame or guilt because the experiential exercises would have purged these feelings. There is more joy, and more intimacy in each union.

So, if you have not felt the power of experiential exercises till now you should try to do so. It is an activity that has the potential to change your life -- forever.

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