Infidelity Quickie #5: How Could She Do This?

by Dr. Robert Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach
Learn from these real life extramarital affair coaching scenarios.
In the first section the person struggling with the marital infidelity summarizes the scenario or concern and what he/she would like to say to his/her cheating spouse.
I then outline some goals that help him/her break free from the affair.
The last and important section gets at shifting the focus away from the spouse/partner to him/her self. In other words, what does all this mean for the person on the receiving end of an extramarital affair? After that mental shift (which is NOT easy for someone in the pain and turmoil of perhaps losing one's spouse, family, and home) I, the coach, offer phrases that he/she can relay to his/her spouse in a way that speaks directly of his/her concern and has the best chance of being heard and getting positive results.
Section 1: The "offended spouse" says:
I spend alot of the time thinking about how she could do this to our family. Going over the last 9 months and all of the events and arguments seems to get me no peace. She has filed for a divorce and I still cannot believe that she would tear apart not only my world but also our two daughter's world also. I am low, depressed and wondering/hoping that this will end. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I live somewhere else and all I want to do is go home and make her happy but she doesn't want me. It's in God's hands all I can do is worry about my kids. My wife of 13 years has left me for a fantasy!
Section 2: Personal goals suggested by the coach
Spend time understanding the patterns. Break Free From the Affair will help you with that.
Be gracious with the fact that you need to “understand” to achieve some peace.
Allow yourself to feel the sadness.
Section 3: What the affair means for the "offended spouse" and what he/she REALLY wants to say to his spouse/partner having the affair:
For the remainder of this article and more...
This article is part of a series of articles written by Dr. Huizenga. He responds in practical and heart-felt ways to pressing issues such as:
46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair
Extramarital Affair: Their Sex is not "Always Hot"
Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?
Infidelity: Why the Need to Know is so Strong
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do it
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Sexually Addicted? Ten Important Questions to Ask
Infidelity Recovery: What is it with Men?
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