Here's a little exercise for you and your spouse to help you get on the same page after marital infidelity or a marriage or relationship crisis.
Instructions
The objective is to narrow the list down to the top 5 characteristics you want to shoot for or see happen in your marriage or relationship now.
1. Print out 2 copies of the chart.
2. Each person scan through the 74 characteristics a couple times or more. Get a sense of how they differ. Note which ones tend to grab you or hold your attention. Remember, these characteristics describe an ideal relationship.
3. Each person go back over the list and place a check mark by each on the scale of 1-10. The #10 means that characteristic stands out or grabs you as something vitally important and you want to shoot for that beginning now.
4. One person shares with the other the top 5. The person may make comments. However, make sure you NEVER refer to your partner or spouse as someone who must do that something for you to make something happen. Do not place any responsibility on the other. You are merely declaring what is vitally important for you now. The other person may ask questions, but they are for clarification only. The other is to listen and listen well with an underlying curiosity.
5. The other person shares the top 5 characteristics with the same rules and concerns applying.
6. If you begin to swirl, hit the wall or the communication breaks down, stop the process.
7. If the exercise generates positive give and take marked by a high degree of acceptance and curiosity, keep it going.
8. This is very important for me and others as we develop some hard-hitting and highly effective tools for everyone trying to not merely put back the pieces, but create something deeply more rich and satisfying.
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