A guy with commitment issues has become the punch line for too many jokes these days, in my opinion. First of all, women have commitment issues too.
For example, one woman I know thought that her boyfriend was moving too fast, so she got out of the relationship as soon as he started talking about marriage. Not all women want to get married, after all – at least, not right now. She just didn't think they knew each other well enough to start living with each other all the time – completely reasonable.
But since this topic comes up constantly, maybe it's time to have a chat about how to make this part of your next relationship less of a pain. You need to ask yourself some questions and take action based on the answers you find.
1) What's Your Issue?
It all starts with being honest with yourself. Do you have issues with commitment? You might, that's always possible. Or maybe you simply have an idea in your head about when you want to settle down. There's nothing wrong with that either.
But sometimes a woman might be reacting to the fact that you're also not 100% ready for commitment. And to save herself, she's just saying that she's not ready for commitment. It's a thought to consider.
You need to start looking at yourself to see whether or not you have un-admitted commitment issues. If you do, you need to question why you don't want to commit to anyone and what it might take for you to feel ready.
Of course, she might never want to be committed to anyone – many celebrities have done this quite happily and certainly others just like you are out there too.
2) What Do You Really Want?
The truth about commitment is that it's a sticky subject for anyone – no matter how close you are. When you're in the initial stages of the relationship, you want to make sure that you're both on the same page, so start talking.
This isn't about setting down ultimatums or anything, but have an open and honest discussion about what you both envision. This way, she's going to know what you're expecting and she can be honest about what she is and is not expecting.
On the other hand, this conversation can get tricky. If she says that she doesn't want to commit, you need to realize that this may be her answer for now or it might be her answer forever. In any case, you need to be ready to change your ideas for your relationship – or you need to walk away.
3) Can You Change Her Mind?
This is the question I most often hear from guys because they believe that they can and should be able to fix problems. So, if she doesn't want to commit, maybe it's just a matter of talking her into it. But this is the last thing you want to do. Many women (myself included) are incredibly stubborn about things that we think and once we have an idea in our heads, we don't want to give it up easily – especially when someone else wants to tell us we should.
Instead, women need to have a little but of a softer touch. Let her have her space to sort things out – that time away from you might be all the perspective she needs to get things sorted out in her mind. Slow things down in order for her to get comfortable with your relationship as it is. Once she's comfortable, suggest another step up in the relationship (exchanging keys, for example). This way, you will be able to slowly progress, acclimate, and then move up the commitment ladder until you're both happy.
4) Should I Even Stay With Her?
If you're ready for commitment and she isn't, should you say with her? That's really the end point of this discussion. Working through commitment issues takes time and while many people can and do change, there are no guarantees of when (or if) this change will happen.
If you want to settle down and start being in a committed relationship, and your current girlfriend isn't ready, you need to consider walking away. Sometimes realizing that you are serious about your commitment is just what she needs to change her mind too – but don't use this as a false promise either.
All of these tips have worked with varying degrees of success. What you need to realize too that since every relationship is different, you will encounter different speed bumps along the way. This is okay. And eventually, you will probably find one woman with whom you WANT to completely commit. Until then, there's no need to beat yourself up over the fact that you're not settled down yet.
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