"If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does YourLover Strays?" By Cucan Pemo
When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, youhave to learn to take time to pause, ponder over yourrelationship circumstance, and look for solution instead ofmistakes.
Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner'shand, so that he or she will not be beaten by thedestructive forces that are coming their way and hurting therelationship.
It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not asimple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended andcontrolled.
It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerfultendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple orvoluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex andcontinuous activities.
True love between man and woman may manifest itselfsuddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in theconsciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couplesmutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand,genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiringmonths to unfold and years to mature.
Some of the most delightful marriage unions known haveresulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons arevery susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to theattractions of character, and immediately surrender to themwhen opportunity offers.
Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful orappearances and cautious in all that pertains to soimportant a matter.
Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", withalmost an immediate marriage, have proven entirelyharmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances arecomparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.
As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even thoughthey may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meetmany times under various circumstances before concludingthat they are really so completely in love with each otheras to marry.
Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study ofeach other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitablefriction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, andsuch disclosures of principles, desires and habits as willinevitably result from repeated association and increasedknowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.
For myself, the occasional accidental or prearrangedmeetings with my partner and long time friend, when aredeeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - thewalks and rides taken together, the public gatheringsattended in each other's company - all contribute not onlyto an increased knowledge of each other's character, butalso tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,purposes.
When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactlyhappened when he strays? What exactly contributed to ourconflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?What had I done to allow another person to come into ourlives so easily and quickly??"
I've come to a conclusion.
And my discoveries could well give you some insights whichyou can adopt and adapt to your own relationshipcircumstances.
I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted toanother person who can confirm my doubts, fears andsuspicions.
In fact, if there is one other person who can grab myattention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILLbe a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.
You do not need to take a great deal of time to understandthis secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders whocan persuade and motivate large masses of people. It couldalso have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!
Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you sayingall of these or behaving in these ways during yourinteraction with your partner/spouse:
~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead ofassessing the situation, do you immediately and impatientlyblame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?
~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that bigpresentation for the company the next day, do you askhim/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing thespeech tonight?
~ When your partner complains to you about the unfairtreatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom hehas bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for notlistening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or,do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then youproceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can takeaway with him tonight?
I certainly have made all these mistakes.
By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or evensuspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to myrivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make useof these simple principles.
Many parents too have made this mistake with their children,perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that"I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding,for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feelunprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was allshe could say.
Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends andclassmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with thesame statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy.I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something aboutit!"
If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't bedifficult to understand why I would listen more to myfriends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we areon the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me(my feelings!)"
My friends have more power over me than my parents. And allthe while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"
This also explains why people leave long term relationshipsand marriages for another person who are able to "understandthem" better than their current partners!
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